August 8-14. First Garden Meals, Bear Sighting, Zoom Call With Peter and Susan

 Saturday August 8

Willie and I played more of Eastshade, this beautiful Zen game. 

 

Dave came by and reminded me that the apples are falling. He had a CT scan last week after an X-ray showed suspicious findings. It turned out to be farmer's lunch, which I had never heard of and it an allergy to mold from hay and other agricultural debris. Too much mowing! 

 

Went to the dump and then to the Polish Deli, one of the local time machines from the fifties, with a dozen types of kielbasa (cherry smoked my favorite) and fatty pressed meats, home made sauerkraut, and various jars of pickles and preserves. Two women in the store were jabbering in Polish.

 

When we got home I dragged Willie out to pick apples. Dave was shoveling the dropped apples into huge piles under the trees, which he's been doing for day.  The crop is incredible this year. It’s too bad neither of us are up for cider pressing, one of the wonderful country tasks that I now behind me forever. Willie and I brought home a couple of bagfuls, which I'll process into Apple butter. 

 

Willie not feeling well from the periodic effects of his Kartegener's immotile cilia. I worry about covid. 

 

I watched the Top Chef finale, set in in Tuscany. I think it's the best of the series: wonderful chefs, supportive and good spirited, and, if course, Italy. 

 

Out on the deck in the evening, keeping an eye on Stevie. The deer came through and scared her into the house. 

 

Made faux stroganoff with meatballs and yogurt. 

 

Watched My Night at Maud's, which was transformative for me when I was in my late twenties. Although it's so specifically Catholic, I retained the thought that by betting on faith ala Pascal, one would automatically be directed to making moral choices.  Didn't entirely work for me, but my faith has always been haphazard.  I believe. Help me in my unbelief.  

 

Sunday August 9

 

Started reading Dorothy's biography by Kate Hennessy, her granddaughter. It's what I need right now.

 

Made lunch for Richard Wallace. First gazpacho of the season, with tomatoes and chilies from the garden. Chilies have no heat and not much flavor but hope they will evolve over the rest of the summer. Michael grilled the cherry kielbasa from the Polish Deli.  I also made faux burrata with mozzarella and cream cheeses, which was awful, like eating butter.  I didn't serve it. Richard has become obsessed with ancestry.com and has discovered, as I had, the hypnotic pleasure of building a family tree. 

 

In the evening we went out on the deck with Stevie, watching the dusky routines of turkey and deer moms leading their offspring through the meadow. They generally take the same route each day. Two butterflies--monarch and swallowtail—swept around the bee balm. Very beautiful. 

 

We walked down to the pond, which is very low, and Michael pulled the ladder up from the dock. Paul Decker, our excavator, has finally brought his equipment to repair the outlet. Will I be here next year to swim? Even if I'm not, I've had the experience of floating and splashing around in it. You don't really need more than one. Every minute now is a new one. 

 

Willie talking for three hours with Tess. He hasn't told her about Kartegener's and it's effect on fertility yet. It's difficult to know the timing on this.

 

With our late lunch we skipped dinner.  Watched Parks and Rec. Lots of leg pain today.

 

Monday August 10

 

Played more Eastshade with Willie this morning.  

 

Had a call with Carole Clark on next steps for the Recovery Kitchen.  It's hard to know what the need will be this fall, with continuing high unemployment and covid anxiety. I volunteered to handle anything involved with numbers—budgets, projections, invoicing.  This might be a bad idea, since I might need to back out if I get sicker.

 

Turned yesterday’s unpleasant phony burrata into a ziti, a nice solution.

 

Watched a movie that Willie said Tess recommended, seeking a Friend for the End of the World. It was billed as a romantic comedy, but it literally was about the end of the world, and was ultimately depressing, so we watched a Parks and Rec to cheer up.  

 

 

Tuesday August 11 Kim’s birthday 

 

Had a very rough night, with leg pain so severe that I took a tramadol, left over from the initial treatments. Expiration date is a year ago.  Don’t like opioids but even naproxen didn’t relieve the pain. I was afraid I’d have to go to the ER if it didn’t improve in morning, but it was ok. 

 

Willie went to church and had breakfast with Father Bath at Bob’s Diner, Greenport's Trumpster restaurant. Willie reported that the waitresses were wearing masks but not the diners, which upset Michael, and he chastised Willie for going there. 

 

Willie and I each took a brief nap at around eleven and then did more of Eastshade. Between this game and reading Dorothy‘s biography by her granddaughter, I’ve had an underlying feeling of happiness, even through the leg pain.

 

Went on a call with Carole, Pam and Bob Gibson the nice head of social services in the county. They’ll pay $5.00 for each meal we deliver to the motels where they house the homeless. (It never occurred to Darcy or Jill at the Army to ask for reimbursement for the lunches they provide these same homeless.) 

 

Had a long conversation with Lee and Tom about all our kids. Including those whom she calls the renegades- her sons Jim and Tom and my daughter. Wendy and Alan have found a house in Manchester, Connecticut, which makes all of us happy. I hope Wendy is. 

 

This call was followed by an agitated conversation with Dolan, baiting me again on the inability of democrats to control their cities. I love goading me into acknowledging the validity of some of his positions. Still, the underlying difference between us is Jim's belief that the immediate effects of force on dissention are preferable to the long term and more difficult process of reform. 

 

Pain on walking was intense late in the day. Discouraging because I have so much picking to do in the garden. 

 

Ordered food from Wunderbar.   Watched a lot of Parks and Rec.

 

Wednesday August 12

 

Pain was normal last night and I was able to sleep. 

 

Willie was on a call with his school today to find out about how they will be dealing with live versus virtual teaching. I hate that he'll be back face-to-face in a classroom with his vulnerability. 

 

Did soothing Eastshade with Willie, but have the shakes today off and on. It feels like adrenalin surges from anxiety over him going back to school, looming PET scan, chronic Jill issues, and my jungle fever garden. I took a walk to check it out.  The tomato plants are seven feet tall and there are lots to pick.  I felt overwhelmed. I hobbled up the driveway, but it was very hot and I have no stamina.

 

We took Willie to the train. It is always sad to see him go, but he'll be back Tuesday with Rebecca, which should be fun.

 

Made a corn soup with chicken sausage and kale. Good 

 

We watched Marvel's Agents of Shield. This is the final series.  Sad. 

 

Thursday August 13

 

This morning Michael was on another of the endless patent calls. Today is was with German lawyers who use military metaphors for going after companies that might be infringing on the mapping software that Michael and Geoff developed.  This has been going on for more then 15 years, and the patent itself is almost up. So futile and Bleak House.  Don’t know how Michael and his partners can endure it but it's impossible to quit now after over a decade of this hopeless effort.

 

Did some picking in the garden, about a dozen big heirlooms, looking motley and tasting great.  Broccoli is coming in, which is a relief.  I was a little concerned that it was the wrong broccoli hybrid, which I planted last year and never flowered.  Tied up some of the tomato plants that now hover eight feet in the air.  Had to stop because of heat and difficulty in lugging tomatoes back to the house.  I’ll go out again tomorrow.

 

Watched Kamala Harris’ acceptance speech and was surprised by how moved and excited I am by her nomination, even given the rejection of our sister-in-law Michelle.  

 

Worked on Recovery Kitchen numbers, was able to match up the results with the consultant’s figures. The estimate is to deliver 10,000 meals to the homeless motels next year, which would give us $50,000 from the county.  I hope it has the budget for it.

 

In the afternoon I streamed Nun Warrior.  A ridiculous series but better than Master vs. Man, a low budget food dreary competition, thrown together with such lack of enthusiasm that even I can't tolerate it.  And that title!  The premise is that a top chef ("master") competes with a low-level professional cook ("man"—even though some of the cooks are women).  If the "man" wins, which almost never happens, he/she can stage in one of the chef's kitchens.   I watch it only because it's hard to resist a cooking competition.  

 

Worked on the diary.  Reheated pasta for dinner and we watched the last episode of Agents of Shield.  Very sad.  Too much time travel but fun to watch. 

 

Friday August 14

 

Jeanine is downstairs haranguing Michael with her political opinions while she cleans around him. She is once again fighting Nissan, her bête noir, whose bait and switch pitch last year lured her into buying a lemon, with recorded problems all of which her car had.  Now she’s struggling with her credit rating for missing a car payment during corona that had been approved and was legitimate.  So far she hasn’t blasted Led Zeppelin, which will send me outdoors.  

 

Off to the pond to watch Paul digging the base for the outlet.  Maybe if he fixes it and we get some rain I can swim before it gets cold. 

 

Watched a documentary on the physicist David Bohme, who would often show up in videos with Krishnamurti discussing the associations between his theories and K's practices.  Boehm's had developed a theory that he claimed resolved the conflict between quantum physics and the theory of relativity. I sent the link to Geoff, Jill, and Willie, because, in spite of my ignorance of physics, the film described the essence of the beliefs I’ve held for 50 years. I’m hoping they’ll respond to it, since their opinions would have more ground than mine.  The film also reinforced my attachment to Dorothy and her intercession, given timelessness and the connections to everything.

 

Had a Zoom call with Peter and Susan Brown, old friends from Scientific American and the Upper West Side. They are quarantining about 45 minutes away on the other side of the river. Nice to see and hear them in spite of awful reception. He reported that Mary Wisnovsky has decided not to take chemo anymore and is in hospice. She's been struggling with cancer for years.  In the middle of the conversation Dave called to tell us that a bear has limbered across the road toward our pond. We went to the window but saw no sign of him. Good.

 

Picked some beans and herbs out of the garden. I sliced our tomatoes and steamed our broccoli. Michael grilled a small steak. I love when our garden is supplying food. 

 

Jill wrote, back in friendly email exchange. Livy doing online classes at UNM. Thank you Dorothy. Finished her granddaughter biography. It’s so personal and moving.  With details of the family’s life, it was he most inspiring of the three Dorothy books I’ve read.  Whether or not she is a saint or not, she is accessible. The novels that we both loved (Austen, Trollope, Dostoyevsky, mysteries), the familiar way she engaged with nature, her struggles with her daughter, and her personal failures gives me access to the essential goodness that was her underlying force. I get a feeling of peace just envisioning her.

 

Watched last of Perry Mason. Willie called midway to tell us that he’s not going to continue the relationship with Tess. I had hoped it would work, but he found the third date wearisome. He couldn’t wait to leave. Still not over Samantha. 

 

 

August 1-7. Dorothy's Intervention, the Burgeoning Garden

Saturday August 1

Wrote a blurb for the CCDC newsletter promoting the Recovery Kitchen, and made some corrections on the RK spreadsheet. But mostly aimless day. I went to a local farm stand and spilled a box of blueberries. So awkward with my cane. 

 

Ordered Dirt for Jill. They didn’t have a gift option to I emailed her that I was sending it. Told her I knew she wasn’t talking to me but thought she’d like it. Got a stiff reply saying she was talking to me, thanks for the gift. She had a great birthday full of love. Hope I’m feeling well. Sincerely Jill. The cancer guilt email. Have to check with Dorothy on what to do next. 

 

Out on the deck in the evening. We let Stevie out and she caught her first bird. Trotted up the steps to the door carrying it still alive. Fortunately, Michael was able to rescue it and it flew off. 

 

In the western edge of the meadow, I saw two turkeys jumping about and flapping their wings at each other. It looked like one of the turkey moms going after a turkey invader. Later I saw a turkey mom and one chick on the path, and soon after half a dozen adult turkeys crossing over, which she followed. What’s happening? 

 

Michael grilled great burgers for dinner. I’ll never be a vegetarian. We watched six episodes of Indian Matchmaker and Michael stayed awake through all of them. Total trashy and irresistible reality show.

 

 

Sunday August 2

Listened to pod casts. 

 

The garden has become jungle. There’s no way I can pick, process and store all the stuff if it emerges the way it appears to be progressing now,

 

Wild weather with tornado watch and big orange sturgeon moon riding in the East. Predictions of hail the size of Ping-Pong balls. Hope not. We just need rain. 

 

Made green chili and used it with Jim’s corn in a chicken soup. I also used coconut milk, which boiled and curdled, but it all tasted ok.

 

Watched Indian Matchmaking, which appeared to successfully match up most of the participants, but in the middle of the night I Googled the follow up and none of the couples got married!

 

Monday August 3

No tornadoes. No hail. Tomorrow we should be getting just rain from the tropical storm. 

 

Waded through a line of county Democrat committee emails giving feedback on a statement our chairman wants to send out on racial injustice. My contribution was to point out the obvious; this is coming from a bunch of old white people, which reduces its effectiveness. What we really need is get more blacks and browns engaged in the local party. 

 

My idea for Dorothy Day's intervention in my relationship with Jill is to visualize Dorothy whenever I'm thinking of emailing my daughter. She too had a problematic relationship with Tamar, her daughter. Meditating on Dorothy stops me from writing Jill out of negativity, even if it means continuing the silence. Sending her the book was entirely affectionate, no emotional strings attached. I didn't respond to the email she sent back. 

 

Edited the CCDC Executive Meeting minutes. 

 

Liz came by in the afternoon, which was so pleasant as it always is when I see her. We talked meadow flowers and invasives, and I took her to the vegetable garden, where she of course started weeding in exchange for a handful of cilantro. We both are having the same response to this long quarantine: an enjoyment of reclusiveness and an increasing reluctance to get back out with people, 

 

Texted Faye and asked her if collards the size of elephant ears were normal. She texted back that they were and so I'm going to bring her some. 

 

Made green chili tacos for dinner and we watched Peter Mason.

 

Tuesday August 4

Awake all night obsessively listening for rain. The forecast was now down to about an inch from the original 3. Rain this summer just skirts around our local area like a rich person avoiding a homeless man.  We ended up with about an inch and half, which is something anyway.

 

While it rained, I continued the Laotian series featuring Dr. Siri, a 70-year-old coroner, as the detective. I’ve never wanted to read about Southeast Asia, and this good series has tricked me into it. The series is set in the seventies, and the book I'm currently reading describes the bombing of Laos, when Michael Atkin had been stationed in Thailand and fixing the jets that were dropping the bombs. The big conversation now is about black racism but this nation just has a history of killing everyone who doesn’t look like us

 

Made caponata with my first eggplant and a handful of ripe cheery tomatoes.

 

Watched After Life with Rickie Gervaise, about a snarky husband getting through the death of his wife from cancer. Should connect with it but I don't. Not sure how Michael is responding to it. 

 

Wednesday August 5

Appointment with Dr. Luyun, who updated me on his new house and family travails. He bought air hockey table and they have a swimming pool to keep his daughters active, but they just want to watch Tik Toc on their devices. He’s worried they’re too entitled. He also has issues with last minute repairs with the people who bought his old house-an NFL player and his entitled wife.

 

We stopped at Jill Wishon’s BBQ place on the way home. Unlike other restaurants, the pandemic has accelerated its success, which was designed for take out and social distancing. Plus the produce great smoked meat. She was in good spirits. I asked her what she was hearing about the Army. Ria apparently is unhappy and feels closed out of Darcy's plans. Jill thinks Darcy is too much a micromanager, but Ria can be difficult (heart of gold, hates people, obsessed with mourning her dead husband and now her mother forever), and Darcy is facing consequences of the pandemic that Jill hadn't had to deal with. For one, demand for food and lunch has doubled and second, the Army may not be able to do bell ringing this winter, its main source of funding, because the supermarkets won’t let them stand outside.

 

Home to fix the CCDC minutes and finish RK spreadsheet. 

Watched Top Chef, my second favorite food show after Great British Baking. The finale is in Tuscany, which loads me with nostalgia. Is it the best place in the world?

 

Was out on the deck till 8:30, when it became dark. No dinner tonight. Jill's BBQ was late and filling.

 

Reading the Laotian series today, with this quote:

"Between 1954 and 1973 there were some 500,000 bombing missions in Laos. Two point three million tons of ordnances were rained upon the land. Almost half of this was in the form of cluster bombs, "bombies" as they were affectionately known. And a third of those hadn't gone off. Not yet. Since the ceasefire, the sly little devils had claimed another twenty thousand victims. Operation Rain Dance had begun to pepper the Plain of Jars with bombs in 1969 and no clearance operation could ever rid the regions of the danger."

"

Michael Atkin was in Thailand fixing the planes in 1969 that were bombing Laos, which he described as secret, although everyone knew about. When he came home he told me about one of the navigators being pleased with himself for convincing the pilot to drop the left over bombs on the official dumps and not on a peasant woman hanging up her clothes. Michael is writing his memories about Thailand, which he's showing the kids. Does he wrote about this? I know racism and police brutality is terrible but whatever white privilege I’m supposed to feel bad about pales beside my guilt of collaborating in that terrible war.

 

Thursday August 6

Picked the garden in the morning: collards for Faye, kale, the beginnings of tomatoes and beans, greens, cilantro, and basil, which I rolled into a log and froze. Hot and difficult but rewarding. 

 

Horrible leftovers for lunch. 

 

We picked up Willie at the railroad station. We then dropped Faye's collards off, and I was able to talk to her a bit outside her house.

 

Willie’s second date with Tess went well. Met in the park and talked for five hours, then went to her apartment. 

 

We went out on the deck in the evening and let Stevie out after being quarantined for three days because of the bird. Some lively wildflowers are appearing in the chaos garden. 

 

Ordered pizza from Baba Louis and watched Parks and Rec. 

 

Friday August 7

Infusion day, with all of us lined up in our cubes strung up like humans in The Matrix. People dramatize cancer as if it’s a war (“he fought cancer and survived”), but immunotherapy has made it boring and ordinary up until the point you have to go on chemo, or die from it, or don't. 

 

Home to find a note from Jeanine confessing that she broke a component in one of Harris’ sculpture. I think he can find a replacement. Stella, a woman who cleaned for us in the city, was always breaking stuff and blaming it on the cats. Grateful for Jeanine’s honesty.

 

Played Eastshade, a new game, with Willie, It's very slow and beautiful. 

 

Watched next to the last episode of Top Chef in Tuscany, which made me all weepy. 

 

Michael grilled burgers and we had the new Italian beans from the garden. 

 

Watched Parks and Rec. 

July 25-31 Geoff and Nathaniel Birthdays, More Dates, Lunch on the Deck

 Saturday July 25

This is Rebecca’s birthday, Willie’s other half sister. He shared her Face Time call with us. Much nicer birthday interaction than the nonexistent one with my own daughter. Is my anger at Jill for setting me up to defriend Experience an avoidance of the usual despair and guilt when she stops talking to me? Right now anger predominates, which of course can shift, but my image of her is as non-empathic who distorts her own history in order to support her feelings of victimization. My past admissions of my own guilt and responsibility for her demons, my apologies to her, my hope that we can exist in the present without reference to our history has not worked in resolving her resentments. The time and physical distance plus her opposition to phone calls only exacerbate the issues. But to be honest I’m relieved not to talk to her, to have that knee jerk fear of making a remark that yanks the thumb out of her rage dike. Remembering her wonderful birth, her joyful childhood and her talents and toughness has usually been worth the anxiety in order to try to reconnect at any level. But it’s not working now. I believe that her only reason in not rejecting me for the last year and a half is because of my cancer and the potential guilt she would have if I died with only silence between us. 

 

Have been reading essays all morning by agreeable political writers who think as I do that the goal of racial and gender progressivism is to entrench these groups into the corporate structure, where they can achieve equally within the global monopolistic inequities. Progressivism is not a revolution, only a way of perpetuating the current economic system. 

 

Jeremy and the staff from his supermarket marched for Black Lives Matter in Portland today. The store closed and many neighbors joined them. A bus passed and honked. Portland is collectively supportive of movement and the presence of federal troops is universally despised.

 

Willie was on a call with a beautiful techy woman from Dubai, which seemed to be the most relaxed conversation so far. She's a non-Catholic, however, so no future, although he's talking to her again. 

 

Sous vide London broil and made avocado soup. Watched Parks and Recs. 

 

Sunday July 26

The arthritis is grinding me down these days. That and my daughter. Went through the last emails to and from her, looking for a reason for the current shut down. It might be my lack of a specific response to her good long newsy one in early July. I can’t think of any offer reason for this particular blackout. 

 

Jeremy posted pictures on FB of his store's protest, which looked very good-natured. He lives and works on the opposite side of Portland to the area that continues to report ongoing protests and violence. It's a small city, so the activity must be very limited.

 

Reading Bill Buford's good book “Dirt” about learning to cook in Lyon, France. He describes a pig slaughter, which was sad and terrible and then joyful. So hard to reconcile the killing of a sentient animal and then the celebratory preparation. I think about death pretty much all the time in a more or less thematic way, more investigative than fearful. My own upcoming death is more or less humdrum, but something like the dramatic killing of the young pig or the tender vulnerability to predators of the baby deer and turkey chicks evokes horror and despair. The intensity of the life force against the inevitable end is, of course, absurd, but there it is. Death is not evil. I do believe, however, that it's wrong to kill animals not out of necessity but because they taste good. However, I know I would fail if I tried to be a vegetarian again. Michael grilled chicken and I made tabouli. Ah well 

 

Willie had a second conversation with Tess, the Haitian American, and is seeing her this week in person. 

Watched Parks and Rec.

 

Monday July 27

Lazy hot day. Considering sending Jill the Bill Buford book, since the had spent a semester in Southern France and she loves cooking. I am slipping into a life totally absorbed by food. 

 

The garden is so beautiful and the lettuce I planted is spicy and versatile. I can use the sorrel for acid, and the basil and cilantro that I learned to plant in crowds are crazy happy. The tomatoes are tied up this year and even the eggplant is thriving. First time in years. Picked collards for dinner and cooked them the way Faye taught me: for a long time with bacon, water, a little sugar, and salt. The leaves are enormous and I was worried they would be too tough but they turned out to be very tasty. Sautéed hot sausage and made mashed potatoes with a lot of butter. Inspiration from Dirt. 

 

Revised the Recovery Kitchen spreadsheet, which, in addition to the CCDC minutes, is the extent of the community work I do these days. Mostly I think about food, Dorothy Day, and Jill, with pleasant distractions from Willie’s online dating experiences. 

 

Watched Parks and Rec.

 

Tuesday July 28

Woke up late to the buzzing of another fly struggling in our window's spider web. So distressing. Thinking of tooth and claw these days and flailing myself for not having the will to be a vegetarian. Read about rennet in Dirt this morning. Didn’t realize it came from a baby cow or goat stomach. I’m 77 years old. I have to finally be the carnivore I am.

 

Dropped Willie off at the train. He has his first in person date tonight with Tess, the Haitian American, up in Inwood. 

 

A glowering sky is pretending it might rain this afternoon.

 

Picked up lunch and dinner at Relish, where. Dana said she was hanging on. 

 

Did CCDC minutes in the afternoon and edited the diary. 

 

Watched two Padma Lakshmi episodes of her tour around American eating foods from immigrant and indigenous cultures. Today she was eating Peruvian food in Patterson and Thai food in Las Vegas. The series, based on immigrants who adapt their food to American ingredients, adds depth to our own experience. In most cases, their paths to creating restaurants that celebrate their native cuisines are incredibly tough. That our President makes it tougher by inciting his followers with lies about these populations is tragic. 

 

Michael went to a live Greenport planning board meeting, which main agenda item was replacing an existing MacDonald's with another, larger MacDonald's. Very dreary. 

 

I Face Timed with Sarah while he was gone. Her toilet overflowed all over her floors this morning. She’s had fans going throughout her house while her cat hid under a bush. We talked politics mostly, heavily weighted by her addiction to the streams of consciousness on Twitter. I get on and off as fast as I can if I happen to be tricked into reading a post by a writer I like.  

 

Michael home at nine and we watched Marvel. 

 

Wednesday July 29 Nathaniel’s birthday.

Sent money to Geoff for Nathaniel’s birthday. Such a boring gift but better than any present could invent for a fifteen year old. 

 

Spent morning working on a blog entry: a rant about the feminists supporting reproductive rights and equal pay at the expense childcare and working class mothers. 

 

Jim Dolan came by in the afternoon with a dozen ears of corn and amazing scones. We fought as usual over his opposition to progressive Democrats, particularly the perception that they encourage of out of control protesting. I'm never sure how deep his Trump-like convictions lie or whether he just likes to goad me. A little of both. It worries me. He's not crazy or stupid and might actually represent a popular silent position that could give Trump the election. Too awful to think about. 

 

The CCDC officer's call in the afternoon became heated over the process of filling a town supervisor vacancy. 

 

Made dinner in 15 minutes using leftover mashed potatoes and collards, chicken sausage, and the amazing corn that Jim brought. I used the microwave method that he advocated. It was good but limited to only a couple ears. 

 

Willie called. The date with Tess went well. They sat on a park bench in Inwood Park and talked for two hours until it got dark. 

 

Watched a Perry Mason episode, and after Michael went to bed, I started the new season of Top Chef, which I was happy to discover on ITunes.

 

Thursday July 30

I wanted to get to the nearby farm stand for fresh vegetables to cook tomorrow for a lunch with Harris, Neville, and two other friends, but didn’t make it. Turned out I had enough garden stuff and meat from the automat. Got steak started in sous vide, which will languish for a few hours. Then I'll sear it and let get cold for salad. 

 

Watched John Lewis' funeral, with the three Presidents, including George W, making their own individual moving tributes. I detested GW for 8 years, a waste of political animosity given the current Horror, whose only response to the funeral was to tweet that he was going to delay the elections this year.

 

Had the Recovery Kitchen call in the afternoon, going over current budget and how much money we need to raise to sustain the RK over time. Planned a press release as means for an appeal.

 

Dave asked us over for wine at six. I had to get back for Executive Committee e meeting, so I could only stay for 45 minutes, but sitting under the big Norway Maple, shady and cool, overlooking their manicured gardens and lawns was soothing, even for a brief time. The apples are dropping in their orchard. Need to pick some up for apple butter.

 

The Executive Committee meeting was placid, running through latest plans for getting out the vote.

 

Michael picked up food at Wunderbar. Had enough time to watch a Marvel.

 

 

Friday July 31 Geoff’s Birthday

I spent the morning putting lunch together for Harris and Neville and two friends, Even and Harvey Axelrod, who were participants in the poker game that Michael used to attend but which stopped after several of its members died. Harvey and Evan are cousins. Harvey is a former HBO executive (maybe CEO). Evan is an old friend of Harris and an architect who teaches at Pratt and builds houses for his family. His wife, Yasmin, who has carved out a very successful career in finance, mostly funds him. I’ve known Evan for years, but have only talked to Harvey briefly.

 

I put together a steak salad with spicy greens from the garden and my favorite chunky salad with cherry tomatoes (first ones out the garden!), green chilies (also from the garden but no heat), celery, onion, red pepper, garbanzo beans, corn, goat cheese, and herbs. Made avocado and cucumber soup last night 

 

Wanted to get a cherry pie and bread from Green Acres, a Farm Stand that's only a few miles away. When I got there, I found that since the pandemic they only take cash. Had to drive to a nearby gas station, where an ATM spit out only a small amount of cash for an exorbitant fee. Bought the pie, which was still warm from the oven. Worth it. 

 

I was ok eating inside but Harris is having surgery next week and worried about exposure, so we set up a long fold-up table on the upper deck. Michael and I testy with each other. He made his knee jerk accusation that I make too much food (I don’t), when I was concerned that the table wouldn't be big enough for all the dishes. We had to lug all the dishes and food upstairs, with Neville doing most of the carrying. She is a total saint and has been cutting her own hair, which looks very cute. 

 

This was the first large meal I've served for people other than family since March and everyone was in good spirits, happy to be among humans. We hung out and talked till about three. Harris and Neville described their new house plans and Evan the new house that he's building. Harvey showed me a video of an adorable grandchild and Evan a picture of their new $4000 retriever puppy that they are flying to Toronto to pick up.

 

In the evening after they left we went out on the downstairs deck. Stevie was with us for a while, but two deer were grazing in the meadow and the larger one, probably the mom, started to approach, huffing and pawing the ground. The doe seemed to perceive Stevie, sitting on the steps, as a threat, so Michael picked her up and carried her inside.

 

Willie called later with a report on his date with Clare, which also involved sitting on a park bench, but Willie found it difficult and long. So looks like Tess is in the running for a while. He’s meeting her for dinner next week. Hurricane is coming north, which might create some obstacles for the dinner, but I hope it brings us some rain.

July 18-24. Willie's Online Dates, Jill's Birthday

 July 18-24.  Willie's Online Dates, Jill's Birthday

 

Saturday July 18

Brutal heat today. Sous viding a roast, made potatoes salad and mint tea this morning for dinner with Geoff, Kim, and Willie. All worked out pretty well, and I didn’t have to cook using the stove, although it took four hours 

 

We picked Willie up at 4:20. A little anxious about Covid after his week in the city, but New York infection rate is only slightly over 1%. He’s going back to the city in two weeks for the dentist. His school is going to have half-live half-virtual classes in there fall, so I’ll just hold my breath. Like the world is doing. Our idiot president just makes things worse.

 

No intervention for Richard. He and Carol share the same shrink (like he and I did, which I'm not sure was a great idea). The shrink and Carol decided to have Richard use a breathalyzer several times a day to track his drinking, which he’s agreed to, but he’s going to spend several days in Connecticut alone, so don’t know now that will work. 

 

Willie is starting online dating. Has identified four mark. Has his first virtual date tonight at 11:00 with a girl who is teaching English in South Korea, an obvious obstacle right from the start. 

 

We had dinner on the upper deck, putting out our fold-up table after Geoff and Michael eliminated a small wasp nest hugging one of the struts. The poor wasp buzzed around all evening searching for his house and freaking out Kim and Willie. 

 

Geoff and Kim played their sons’ compositions. Gabe is working on pop variations. Nathaniel’s music is some extraordinary epic mix of jazz and Thomas Talis. Only thing from Julian was a short piece he and Nathaniel worked on. The boys are manifesting their father and grandfather's amazing musical genes, which Michael Atkin sadly neglected. They refer to Geoff’s dad as the invisible grandfather. He’s never met Nathaniel, although he’s back in touch Geoff and Jill, sending them his memoir, some of it a misplaced hagiography of his own father. I’m happy Jill has focused on his mother's ancestry. It connects her to her father and at the same time transcends the relationship.

 

Nice night. Saw the comet again but it was a little fuzzy. So nice to have them all here. 

 

Sunday July 19

Willie had a virtual date at 11:00 this morning with the girl who lives in South Korea, who couldn’t make it last night and then stood him up again. So I guess she's a scratch off. He showed me pictures of the four other girls on his hit list, a beautiful diverse mix of women— Vietnamese, Philippine, African American, and Jamaican (who looks scarily like Anna, Willie’s first abusive girlfriend.) He’s has the Philippine woman scheduled for 5:00. 

 

Geoff and Kim stayed in the little house till it was time to leave. I didn’t see much of them but it’s ok. We had a nice evening and this is the only time they have to themselves.

 

Willie is worried about Michael. Observed that he didn’t say one word last night. Michael isn’t a talker unless he’s stoned and he wasn’t then, but I told Willie to keep an eye on him. 

 

The heat goes on.

 

Did diary editing and then searched ancestry to see if my ancestor Martha Day has any connection with Dorothy. Probably not. Her father John Day came from traitor southern heritage. My Day ancestor was solid Gloucester Yankee. 

 

Willie’s date with the second girl went well. They talked for two hours, mostly about Willie’s conversion. She’s American born with Philippine parents. I forget her name but he liked her. 

 

Stevie went out again last night and wandered off, ending up on a windowsill on the second floor. The travels are getting scary. 

 

Made unenthusiastic chicken tacos for dinner. We watched Parks and Recreation.

Starting Thomas Merton Seven Story Mountain and continuing the charming Laotian detective series by Colin Cotterril on my Kindle.

 

Monday July 20

Very hot but we had a wonderful surprise rain giving us a quarter of an inch last night, unanticipated by all three of the weather apps that we use obsessively. 

 

Managed to dump cat shit-10 bags. Now I have nothing to do.

 

Willie on the phone this morning the woman who teaches in South Korea who had stood him up. They talked for two hours, and Willie said it was a therapy session. She doesn’t know why she’s on the dating sites, doesn’t know what to do with her life, has been in Korea for three years, has no friends, and hates Korea. So unless Willie wants to be her therapist, no romance there. He’s got two more “dates” set up plus a second conversation with the Philippine woman. 

 

Willie and I played new guardian of the galaxy game but it is pretty lame. Lacks both the wit of the movie and any clever puzzles and interactions. 

 

Went to the meat automat and stocked up on poor dead mammals. Then home to the opposite culinary thrill- my garden--which is doing stupidly well compared to last year. Picked basil, cilantro, and spicy greens, which I beat up into a pesto with garlic scapes for pasta and sausage. Watched Parks and Recreation.

 

Tuesday July 21

Another hot listless day. Slept fitfully and late. 

 

Talked to Carole Clark about a video they want to have done for the RK. Randall Martin, a member of the CCDC and our a reliable Democrat videographer, has offered to do one for us pro bono. Pam thinks his videos are too much like an infomercial. She an example of a video she liked, which was done for Feed America for an obviously large cost. Randall Has done a couple videos with friendly interviews for two other local soup kitchens. He also did one for Gene Keeler’s campaign, which I thought was fine. They aren’t fancy but they make the point. I suggested to Carole that we go ahead with Randall. “If anyone wants to do a classier video for no money, then we’ll have two videos!”

 

Did some gaming (Broken Sword) with Willie. 

Amy emailed to tell me that my very good ex boss Joanne is leaving Medscape. Don’t know details yet. 

 

Willie went on another “date” with a beautiful woman named Tess who looks like a black Anna and likes Eric Rohmer. She works for Bard, is an American born Haitian Catholic. So he now is interested in two women and has a date with a third person tomorrow. Online dating is far too gluttonous. 

 

Michael was on a long meeting with the county Democrat town chairs discussing the police commission committee that Cuomo has required for all departments. Not one black person suggested so far. It’s ridiculous. These commissions have to be built from the community affected by policing, not well-intentioned Democrats. So tired of politics. We are buried in it. 

 

Had pork chips, corn, and tomatoes. The garden is amazing so far. Great basil and cilantro. 

 

Watched Park and Recs. Then I stayed up and watched Padma Lakshmi and the great British home cooks till one hoping to sidestep my insomnia. But here I am at two and still awake. My mind has no ballast. It drifts and skips and streams. I argue in my head with Jill. I battle the progressives. I gloss over all my distant children, flying over them like the old Yoruba women who turn into birds at night, performing good deeds and bad. I have so little interest in seeing people. These zoom meetings are no substitute for community. No wonder 700 young people collected in queens to dance in the street and drink. No wonder the protests have gone on for weeks. Let them. We old people can huddle in our homes and be protected by our cats. 

 

Wednesday July 22

 

Slept took eleven after another wakeful night. 

 

Went to the Recovery Kitchen at the Episcopal Church to sign the non-profit agreement. Randall Martin was doing the video for the promotion of the RK. Both Pam and Carole will be speaking in it. I stayed to watch Jamie's presentation and was surprised when he froze in front of the camera. He’s such a confident cook. He couldn't get through a sentence, even when Randall tried to feed him lines. At one point he mentioned that his father was an actor, which might explain it. He took a brief break, walked around a bit, and when he returned Randall turned it into an interview, which relaxed Jamie. In the end, he came out with a very strong and good statement about why he cooked, but he was wretched about the whole thing. I was editing today an entry describing Jamie as a "Diva" when he was cooking at the Army during the early part of the pandemic. That was certainly wrong. 

 

Made a lazy lunch and then Willie and I did some gaming. 

 

Took the CCDC officer’s call, which was blessedly short. My secretarial duties at the main CCDC meeting tomorrow night now include recording any proxies. I feel so unnecessary. Willie couldn’t sleep last night and attributed it to lack of work. I think that may be true of me as well. I need a job. Spent the afternoon watching new British Home Cook episodes.

 

Did a faux chicken teriyaki with rice and spinach. Worked out pretty well. 

 

Michael and I watched the new Agents of Shield episode while Willie talked to his latest date, a young Jamaican woman. He described her as adorable, but she's a Seventh Day Adventist and believes the Pope is the antichrist and the world was created in seven days 4000 years ago. It was a relief I think that he could eliminate one of these pretty women from the line-up. He still has two going. 

 

Thursday July 23

 Better sleep last night. Woke at five to see the mother turkeys signaling the babies out of their roosts. Two years ago when I’m sure one of these mothers were shepherding her brood around the meadow I woke to hear her crooning and saw her wandering the back of the house by the fringe of the woods. The night before I had awoken to some awful primal struggle in the brush, and I was sure the chicks had been eaten. I watched her hobble back and forth feeling terrible for her, when suddenly one by one the babies tumbled down from the trees, all of them healthy. So this morning, witnessing the moms calling the chicks, I wasn’t worried and, sure enough, within a minutes or two they came hurtling down (not too graceful, but they are turkeys). The difference this year is that three flew down from our roof, where they must have roosted! 

 

Back to sleep and then up at a reasonable time, which I wasted by looking at email, finishing my latest Laotian novel, and not going outside. Worked on an old novel this afternoon just to whittle out sentences. 

 

Took minutes for the arduous CCDC meeting. People on Zoom seem enabled to express endless obvious opinions because they are wearing pajamas. This job only makes me angry. 

 

We drove to Wunderbar after to pick up dinner. 

 

Willie had a follow up Face Time date with Clare, the second-generation Philippine girl, at nine thirty, which lasted beyond our bedtime. 

 

Jill’s birthday tomorrow. I am writing to Dorothy for support.

 

Friday July 24 Jill’s Birthday

 Willie reported that Clare works for Unilever, as a project manager and was career driven until a few years ago. I think he’s concerned she might not want to spend Saturdays at the Catholic Worker. 

 

Tied up tomatoes in the garden with Michael. Ate the first red cherry! Garden looks great. 

 

Sent Jill amazon gift card. Didn’t hear from her. 

 

Made a cauliflower Bolognese for Catholic Friday, which tasted good but was very labor intensive. 

 

We watched a French film Someone Somewhere recommended by Tess, probably Willie’s most promising online date. She gets points from me. Very smart charming romcom on social isolation and gender differences. Included a cute cat,

 

 

July 11-17. Recovery Kitchen Live Meeting, Dorothy Day Takes Over, Geoff and Kim Visit

 Saturday July 11  

Drove to New Lebanon and dropped leaflets off at Charlie’s Pantry, which distributes their food out of a garage associated with the local Catholic Church.

 

At home, I spent the afternoon listening to Michelle’s press conference on the increase of the virus in NM. She’s has been doing so well in controlling it in her state, which is especially difficult because, unlike New York's buffering cooperative states--- Connective and New Jersey, NM is mugged by the Idiots Arizona and Texas that are spiking and sending cases across the border. 

 

Very hot outside. Wanted to tie up my tomatoes and/or pick raspberries but heat and humidity are suffocating. 

 

I received a gift in the mail from Michael: an excellent Dr. Fauci Bubblehead.

 

Talked to Willie. He won’t be back till next Friday. He, Carol, and Rebecca want to do an intervention with Richard, who, Willie says, does nothing each day except read the paper, stare off into space, drink, and lie about his drinking. He takes walks in the morning with a cup of orange juice and vodka. And he's not writing since the Disneyland book. Richard has always been a drinker but I've never known him not to be writing. I suggested that they find a therapist or some professional to lead the intervention, who would know what next steps are. Willie says he has an addiction therapist who counsels both Richard and Carol at the same time; Willie says his father agrees to see her because she prescribes benzodiazepines. Why would an addiction specialist prescribe and addictive drug to an alcoholic?  It’s horribly sad. 

 

Talked to Ginny after dinner, I had been worried about her because she hasn’t returned a couple emails. She's incredibly busy dealing with her homeless guys and one of the volunteers having gone away. She’s working on an illuminated manuscript and is thinking of teaching it to the homeless guys who come to her art class. 

 

Got a snarky email from Jill in response to one I sent her yesterday. I’m done for now. I’m not even angry or sad. Just tired of it. I know she only stays in touch with me so she won’t feel guilty when I die. Her emails are obligation coating anger.

 

Sunday July 12

Did a half hour in the garden tying up one row of tomatoes but it became too hot to do more. Garden is looking good but approaching the “I can’t manage all the growth” stage, my downfall last year.

 

Decided to ask Dorothy Day to intercede for me with Jill. I have no other ideas. 

 

Worked on the diary for most of the day.

 

Made a cold avocado cucumber yogurt soup with herbs and spicy greens from the garden to go with hamburgers. Good! 

 

Watched Old Guard, a new super hero movie where the Supers are immortal sort of. Nicely done but very dark and no jokes. 

 

Monday June 13

 

I must quit the goofy food insecurity group. The Brit, Sally Baker, is sending around elaborately draft proposals for convincing the convince county government to create a job for coordinating hunger effort. The proposal has no research or substance backing it.  Its intent may be to get a job for for Nick Zachoff, who has a county job already running the Hudson Youth Group, but it probably doesn't pay much.  

 

Meeting today with the Recovery Kitchen people, Carole Clark, Pam Kline, and Jamie Parry. It was the first "live" meeting I've had since the virus. We met masked outside on Carole's patio. In spite of my doubts in the beginning, the RK has evolved into a very effective operation. These two women have been incredible in building it out of alliances with cooperative non-profits and super volunteers--notably Jamie and another Hudson profession chef who are now about 200 dinners a day. Volunteer drivers deliver them to immigrants and the rural poor throughout the county. They now want to extend it indefinitely and pay Jamie salary for full time work. He’s very eager, particularly given that his restaurant Swoon is in troupe, like all the high-end restaurants in town. Swoon opened last weekend but sold only 85 take-out dinners. Three long-standing restaurants, Vico, Bruno’s, and Fish and Game are already gone (actually no terrible loss). I presented had a spreadsheet estimating the costs for keeping it going. Even including salary and benefits for Jamie, the RK already has enough donations to start paying him in August through the end of the year. Carole is great at getting pro bono services—lawyers, accountants, business consultants. Pam is a tiger at rounding up volunteer drivers. I have better computer skills than they do and I can write stuff, so I can make some contribution. Carole showed us her beautiful gardens afterward--so far removed from my scraggly patches that I can’t even be envious.

 

My impulsive magical thought to put my relationship with Jill in Dorothy Day's spiritual hands makes me happy whenever I think of it. 

 

Made a frittata, which turned out pretty good. We watched Perry Mason, it’s pretty amazing.

 

Tuesday July 14

Geoff e-mailed me with a change of plans from their initial very complicated trip upstate. Their original objective was to come up Friday night with Julian.  The next day they would drive him two and half hours to Rome, NY and drop him off a friend's house.  They would then return here, spend Saturday and Sunday night. Monday morning they would go back to Rome, pick Julian up (two and half hours). Then they'd drive seven hours back to New York. Michael and I agreed that not only would we ever ask our patents to do this for us, but we would never do it for our own kids. As it turned out, Julian’s friend in Rome has to quarantine after his girlfriend tested positive. Geoff and Kim are coming up by themselves. Everyone dodged a bullet here. 

 

Went out to pick raspberries, a small amount but satisfying in spite of full sweat heat.

 

Michael listened in to a 3-hour Zoom Hudson planning meeting to learn about the latest fight over a haul road that would go from the Colarusso gravel yard in Greenport directly to the barges at Hudson's waterfront. The heavy and noisy trucks that carry the gravel could than bypass the current required route that passes through Hudson city streets (although mostly in the poorer parts of town).  This seems like a win-win for both entities, but the good liberal Hudson leaders are opposing the haul road both out of ecological opposition to the gravel company and their disdain for both Republican Greenport and distrust of the Colarusso's, a Greenport family that has owned their quarries for 100 years. But the haul road is actually a red herring.  The opponents' end goal is to put Colarusso out of business completely by employing a Hudson ruling that could completely block their access to the waterfront, which the company has had for decades. Probably because we live in Greenport, I have become a bit defensive for my conservative town. I have a growing understanding of the Republican anger toward the Democrats who support regulations based on environmental or ethical issues that negatively effect farms and industry, but whose consequences appear only as distant abstractions to those specifically hurt by them. The Democrats need to be able to have real conversations with these people, but right now the country is only choir singing. I could only watch the meeting for about an hour.

 

 I went upstairs and watched Chopped. Then I made pork chops served with leftover curried vegetables

 

Wednesday July 15

Pre-infusion meeting today with Dr. Luyun, who updated me on of his new house. His mother-in-law died in it three days after they moved in and unforeseen foundation problems will cost thousands of dollars. So his wife now hates the house. Speaking of houses Harris and Neville have exchanged papers and money and have bought theirs. This is so scary and exciting.

 

Made the CCDC Officer's call. Not exciting. 

 

Did diary edits. 

 

Picked some blueberries in Dave’s garden, but they’re a \ small and not quite ripe yet. 

 

Sat on the deck and ate food that we bought from Relish. Stevie now expects to go outside on the deck every evening. She’s pretty good at staying close to the house, but it still makes me a little nervous. 

 

Watched Perry Mason. Gets better and better.

 

Thursday July 16

Lee's 80th birthday. Wow.

 

Slept till ten thirty. I was exhausted but the temperature today is in the seventies, so Michael and I tied up more tomatoes, and I did more weeding and watering in the afternoon in my redneck flower garden. 

 

Dave dropped by. He had a CT scan in the city yesterday after an X-ray had shown pneumonia-like residue in his lungs. Dave had had a long respiratory illness in January when he and Janet were in Norway, which recurred when he was home. I thought he should be tested for the Covid antibodies. This thing has been showing up earlier than anyone thought and was certainly in Europe that month. Dr. Luyun had a patient whose lungs were full of clots in December and he later tested positive for the antibodies. 

 

I should go to the supermarket and I don’t want to, Ordered online from Shoprite for pick up tomorrow. 

 

Michael spent the day on "Bring a Trailer", his favorite website, watching the progress of his bid for a pickup truck. Unfortunately for him his bid too low (but good news for me since we'd have to trade in the Beemer and I'll never drive a truck). 

 

I made a coleslaw from residual red cabbage and Brussels sprouts. Fried Beyond Beef sausage. Pretty good. 

 

Watched Robin and Marion, number three on my list of great romantic films (A&E's Pride and Prejudice is number one, followed by The Way We Were). 

 

Michael was indifferent. Still mourning the loss of his truck.

 

Friday July 17

Read Thomas Merton and Christopher Buckley during infusion. One of the patients lost oxygen, which triggered an impressive hoard of nurses descending on her who averted the problem. Ruth Bader Ginsberg is into her fourth cancer—now in the liver— and carrying on keeping the world sane. Another saint. How can I ever complain about my cancer? Btw I so dislike expression that one "fights cancer."  We can't fight it.  The drugs do, but we can try to live with it.

 

Haven’t heard whether Patty finished and sent Lee’s birthday video tribute to her. I called Lee with a delayed happy birthday and asked her if she had heard from Patty without giving away the surprise video.  But it turned out Ginny let the cat out of the bag, calling Lee yesterday and telling her about it. But to be fair, Patty should have let us know that she hadn't sent it yet.  Ginny had assumed she had. 

 

Finished the June CCDC minutes, which I had completely forgotten about. 

 

Picked up food from Shoprite.

 

Geoff and Kim arrived around 6:30 and we ate on the deck: grilled chicken, farro salad with my fresh greens. sweet corn. All good. Kim described the current chaos in the NYC school system. Kim manages parent coordinators in 27 schools in Queens, and has been having a bad time with her boss, the district superintendent. She had a conversation that may have helped. I can’t imagine what that stress must be like for everyone working for the Department of Education, not knowing how to open the schools safely or even if to open them at all. It's monstrous. To reduce stress, Kim is jogging every morning and Geoff is biking and playing tennis. They both look beautiful. Julian has been working with Geoff programming for one of the client, and I gather Gabriel has done some work as well. Michael suggested that Geoff make them partners, which will help the tax situation and also give the boys something on their nonexistent resumes. Nathaniel, according to his parents, has been creating complicated and beautiful jazz compositions (layering 50 vocal tracks in one of them). 

 

We stood on the deck later and saw the Neowise Comet vividly through the binoculars. Strange and beautiful. 

 

Thought I’d sleep but obsessed on Jill and twitchy legs. Very fitful.