January 23-29. Covid Vaccine Appointments, RK Spreadsheet, and Pizza with H&N

 Saturday January 23

Felt normal today. 

Worked on organizing Recovery Kitchen driver lists so I can create a spreadsheet that will track drivers and meals and produce reports.  I'm dealing with multiple lists, including those handwritten in a loose-leaf notebook and pasted into email.  Nightmare. It takes Pam six days to work out the next week's schedule, so she wants to turn it over to someone else. But no one can take this monster on without it being in some computerized form. It should be in a database or pivot table, neither of which I’m familiar with, but at least I can put this stuff into Excel columns and tables. 

 

The Recovery Kitchen Valentine's Day dinner Eventbrite invitation is a go. 

 

Ingrid, the girl Willie had hopes for texted him today and said she has decided on another guy she has been dating along with Willie. (She’s a psychiatric resident. How does she have the time?) Anyway that makes me sad. 

 

The game Willie and I had been playing the last time he was here hasn’t been saved and we didn’t want to repeat it so I turned him on to the Mandelorian. 

 

I made knockwurst for dinner and Michael and I danced to an old Fine Young Cannibal's song. I could only shuffle my feet and twitch but it was great to move to music with Michael and feel good. Very happy I’ll get four weeks between chemo sessions.

 

Watched a Nathan and a West Wing. Neville and Harris called during them so I phoned back. Both were happily drunk celebrating the transformation of their garage into a studio.  They talked nonstop over each other, while I occasionally hammered my way into the conversation. Michael was dozing in the background. Zoe wants to buy a house down the street from them and move her mother Gladys into the apartment that’s attached to it. Harris and Neville and I all like the tribe idea, but I'd be hesitant to include Zoe and Gladys into mine. 

 

Sunday January 24

Worked on Eventbrite and Recovery Lists. What a bear.  But, good news!  Ann called and said she had an appointed for the vaccine after calling the state hotline. I was only checking website links, figuring that any Covid hotline would ring into eternity. But mirable dictu, I called and a lovely woman gave me an appointment for the vaccine on February 24 at SUNY Albany! Yay.  Confirmation 1971263. Michael and Dave, who dropped by shortly after, then called the same number, but they were booked. Apparently I called just when there was a cancellation. Dave asked the representative if there were any appointments available in New York City, since he and Janet still have an apartment there. The woman seemed puzzled and asked, “New York City? Is that near Johnsonville?” She was equally bewildered when he asked about Manhattan and the Bronx. Upstate is an entirely different universe.

 

 Willie and I spatch-cocked a chicken, which was ok. Watched the last Nathan and a West Wing.  

 

So excited about figuring ways to build the spreadsheet for Pam's complicated driver and dinner lists that I couldn't sleep. I've loved spreadsheets since the early 80s, when I started working with Lotus 1-2-3 and defined ranges and changed calculations with a sweep of light. It wasn't like math.  It was like magic. 

 

Monday January 25

Basically all I did today was to obsession the RK spreadsheet, which will provide the backbone for reports and information, but unfortunately only I will be able to read it. I was in Excel flow till six thirty so we had to order mediocre food from Wunderbar. Then watched Mandelorian for the second time with Willie, followed by the Fran Liebowitz-Martin Scorsese series, during which she reminisces about New York and he laughs at everything she says. I enjoyed her memories so much, because they reminded me of why I loved New York through five decades of radical changes.  We then dosed with West Wing.  

 

Tuesday January 26

Dealing with my frustration over my inability to convince Pam and Carole to give up some control so can I continue with my spreadsheet. They don't understand computing capabilities on this minor level. Actually they don’t understand computing at all. Pam, in fact, doesn’t even have a computer.  She does everything on her IPhone.  This doesn't stop them, however, from micromanaging. I have to remind myself of my years at SAM and Well-Connected, when I involved myself with every detail. It was Cindy who confronted me on this, forcing me to back off.

 

Snow at last! Hurray. It’s been so grim around here. 

 

Made chocolate chip cookies for the first time since I was a kid, when the tollhouse recipe was the only option. They turned out great and we all ate too many. I made curried chicken for dinner. 

 

Was still hot when Michael got home from the Greenport planning board meeting, where a guy who wanted approval for reducing three lots to two brought in his mask less six year old kid, explaining that he had to bring him because his wife had tested positive for Covid. The board should have sent him home.  Everything is nerve wracking. Watched another terrific Fran Liebowitz, a Mandelorian, and a West Wing.

 

Wednesday January 27

Lots of RK work today. Two Zoom meetings: one on how to get grants and the other for transforming this crazy hodgepodge of a delivery meal system into a coherent spreadsheet system, which I’m not sure I can do. Another volunteer, who knows spreadsheets, has offered to help out. Pam is adamant about having one person do all the work on managing deliveries that she is been doing, but neither of us wants to take it all on. In addition to maintaining lists, she also has to talk to the drivers, make sure they don't get lost, and fine substitutes for those who can do deliveries that week. So I don’t know if I can do that. I have to get everything done by the end of the week and before I do my chemo infusion next week, so I have a hard deadline. 

 

I made a meatloaf tonight. We watched Fran. Mando and West Wing

 

Thursday January 28 

Very busy day. Spent the morning cleaning up the RK spreadsheet. Then went to Harris and Neville’s for lunch. Neville made her own inspiring pizza, a pasta with mushrooms, and salad. My weird and feeble contribution was a huge tin of anchovies that I bought online by mistake, some cheese, and the last six chocolate chip cookies. Fortunately Harris was very enthusiastic about the anchovies.  Neville's friend Bobby was there, a sixty-year old eternal bachelor with a puppy-like enthusiasm for life in spite of a dysfunctional family and no long-term relationship or work. Their house gets better and better and the garage turned into studio will be terrific. 

 

In the evening Michael and I zoomed a long CCDC meeting, feeling detached and not involved. At the end of the it Keith made a heartbreaking announcement that his daughter has just died of breast cancer. More deep loss in this terrible time. 

 

Friday January 29

Worked all morning on various RK projects including a new mailer, an FB post, an article for Imby, and lists. Got tired of it all. We went to Relish for sandwiches and its last day.  Dana has finally given up her restaurant dreams after going through all their variation: a high end one, a luncheonette, a food truck, and finally the half market half luncheonette that she is closing this week. I can’t imagine she’ll give up cooking. At some point I’ll need a dinner after my friends, Michael, and I are vaccinated to celebrate the end of something, and I'll ask her to cater.

 

I bought pizza dough, and inspired by Neville, tried making one tonight, I put artichokes and cauliflower on top and it tasted ok, but the crust was very thick and was more like a focaccia.  

 

Called Lee and had a somewhat loony conversation with her. She rambled on about her anger with Jim and Tommy, with no indication of grief at all.  I then talked to Tom, who is writing his memoirs, and totally disinterested in anything else.

 

Michael got a vaccine appointment the same time as mine! Yay

Watched Fran, Mandelorian and West Wing.

January 16-22. Continuing Chemo Vomiting, George Super and Jim Burns Deaths, Jeremy's Vaccination

Saturday January 16

Rainy morning. Nasty cold that I got from Willie (hope it’s not Covid). Did some RK work.

 

Wrestled with my homegrown spreadsheet for Covid vaccine distributors. Found more vaccination provider websites that don't have any shots available.  And the sites are all different—counties (my own and neighboring), pharmacy chain, a couple medical centers, and the state site with its vaccine battlefields scattered about, the only one with available appointments being in Potsdam, nestled next to the Canadian border three hours away. You can’t register at one and have it linked to an others, and every time you check for a slot you have to fill out the eligibility form again for each one.  And then, when you click for the appointments there aren’t any (except in Potsdam). The only site that has saved my information so far is a tiny pharmacy network that probably won't get the vaccine until next Thanksgiving. You just have to keep clicking every day hoping you hit a that five second window when an appointment has been cancelled or magically gets the vaccine.  The media and the governor talk about reaching the elderly in the minority communities but there's no way that will happen with this dysfunctional online system that's hard to navigate even for people who are experienced with computers. 

 

Roasted a beast with vegetables and made Yorkshire pudding for Geoff and Kim. Talked about our crazy country and terrible President, whose vicious behavior is only made clearer as I read Obama’s memoir. How did we go from there to here in only four years? 

 

Watched a West Wing, anther reminder of how far we've fallen, and sneezed my way to bed.

 

Sunday January 17

 

Cold better, but I'm still stuffy.  Did a Pema session in the morning and then some RK work.  Saw a bit of Geoff and Kim, but they went off hiking while I dozed ok the couch upstairs, reading Obama’s Promised Land. 

 

We ordered from a new Middle Eastern restaurant in Hudson, but I was disappointed in a bland tabouli and baba ganush. The steak harissa was worthy, however. 

 

We watched the first three episodes of Mandelorian again with Geoff and Kim after they described a series of Japanese films they liked featuring a lone samurai assassin and his toddler son wandering about, frequently engaging in violent battles.  After watching, they agreed that Mandelorian had to have been inspired by these films, which Google confirmed.  They went to bed and Michael and I watched a west wing. Afterward I went back to the Obama book, my brain in a muddle of the fictional ad real past presidents and our newly elected one, all with the same centrist liberal visions and facing issues that never seem to change

 

Monday January 18

Slept very late today, but my cold seems to be essentially gone. Made my morning futile attempt to find a site with available vaccine appointments. Watched Cuomo‘s press conference, which didn’t hold out much promise for a shot anytime soon. 

 

Had a cheerful talk with Patty and Dominique, who are in Florida. Dominique is winning all kinds of horse contests down in Wellington on her good horse Jack. Dominique and I were in agreement about what a great name Jack was for an animal (her horse, my cat)  and she then she asked me how I would fill my day with joy. I listed stuff like taking a walk, making shepherds pie, and then realized I had already experienced it talking to her and my sister.

 

 Jim Dolan called and as always I ended up screaming at him over his Trump goads. It never seems to hurt our relationship, because he thinks its funny.  We engage in the clichéd arguments of the left and the right with neither of us listening to the other. 

 

Long talk with Willie. He had a live date with Ingrid, the only girl he's been cheerful about since Samantha.  It lasted seven hours, including a four-hour walk through Central Park. I suggested he might tell her about the Kartagener's syndrome, but he thought that would be weird since they haven’t even held hands. He's right. 

 

Janice Brodowski and then Jim called to tell us that George Super, our committee chair had died. He had been suffering for months through multiple surgeries on the veins in his legs.  He was a very decent man with a blue-collar history and passionate about old Democratic Party ideals, pro union, pro working class jobs.  It put him at odds with some of the progressives here who want to keep factories out and encourage tourism.  He stayed with the party to the end, but had increasingly less interest in it.

 

Made a Shepherd pie with good biscuits but I had no appetite after eating a bit of it. Stomach was cruddy and later I threw everything up between watching the Expanse and West Wing.  Fortunately it wasn't the horrible acid and once my stomach was empty I was ok. But it threw into question whether I can tolerate more chemo. I'll keep taking the poison as long as I can because there are so many people I’m fond of and love.   I even feel affection for Dolan while I’m screaming at him because he’s loyal, he makes me feel politically lazy and transient, and brought me eggplant that his sister had made. 

 

 

Tuesday January 19

Our county Committee Chair Keith emailed and asked if I would write some thing on George. I called his wife Madeline who said that George had died of Covid complications, but he was very vulnerable and frail after his history of multiple leg surgeries. My brief experience with George had given me a deeper understanding of the lost Democratic values and why Trump has won over so many working glass guys.  Here’s what I wrote:

 

George Super, the former Greenport Democratic Committee Chair, passed away on January 18 from covid-related complications. As a gifted young baseball player, he was drafted by the New York Giants but also, unfortunately, by the US Army at the same time. After serving in Korea he came back to Hudson where he worked as a truck driver and then for nearly 35 years at Universal Match, one of the many local factories that closed over the past decades.  A dedicated life-long Democrat, his political views always reflected those experiences and the classic Party values that support the working class. As a result, his positions were not always in sync with current party beliefs. As Greenport Planning Board Chair, he was critical in achieving the Wal-Mart development on Fairview, and he supported the Holcim cement plant, which most of us opposed. But his motivations were clear—he promoted policies that would restore the economic life and dignity of those left behind over the years by corporate and government neglect.

 

My experiences with George were limited to the last few years and his work as Committee Chair, where I was struck by his consistent decency, honesty, and those basic Democrat convictions. I also observed his courage during the time I knew him in enduring without complaint extreme physical pain from multiple leg surgeries. We would do well to use his life as a testimony to those values that we, as Democrats, are in danger of losing and that we must defend while simultaneously balancing them with sound progressive ideas.  I never saw him without the company of Madeline, his tough, wise wife, for whom this loss is profound.  

 

Watched a Pema session and then an old Julie Child, 

 

Carole sent the menu for the RK Valentine's Dinner fundraiser. It has multiple options for each course, which I don't think I can create using Eventbrite, the invitation website.  It would mean that people who bought tickets for the meal would have to email their choices, which someone would have to manually track.

 

It's dusk and I'm feeling lousy as usual at this time. Couldn’t eat much. Watched Expanse and West Wing, then spent the rest of the night vomiting and trying not to vomit. Zofran had no effect after two doses .So I took Compazine at around four and got some sleep. Also terribly constipated, which doesn't add to intestinal delight.  

 

Wednesday January 20

Slept late and then watched the inauguration. Wish I could be more excited but intestinal and stomach distress puts a damper on it. I called the oncology nurse for a better regimen and asked to kick back the chemo appointment. 

 

Fiddled with Eventbrite, which may have a section for creating menu options.

 

Ate chicken noodle for lunch and chocolate ice cream and arugula for dinner. Actually had a tiny movement. 

 

Wasted the afternoon going from one bad streamer to another. Reheated chili for dinner but I couldn’t eat much.  

 

Watched Expanse and West Wing. In the middle Sarah called excited by the inauguration ceremony. I pretended enthusiasm, but it’s blunted partly by my cancer, but mostly by this bizarre combination of fictional, autobiographical, and current renditions of liberal presidents that signal the lack of progress in at least thirty years and so the likelihood that nothing will change. So wish I were more excited about Joe but I’m gloomy about the 75 million voters sucking in the baby monster's lies and whom we haven't reached all.

 

Thursday January 21

Slept well. No nausea or vomiting but I’m down to 139 pounds from 150 in a week. The great news of the morning is that Jeremy is getting his first shot today. 

 

But much bad news.  My nephew Jim, who ha been suffering from bipolar for years, died from heart failure, probably due to an accidental overdose.  He had stopped taking his prescription drug some times ago, and was found with street drugs, possibly used for self-medication.  I think for Lee it was somewhat of a relief. I also have two Peckham cousins in critical care, non covid-related.  

 

Ann came over for lunch and I made us all tuna salad, which she was happy about, and she brought bakery treats, which I was happy about. A nice lunch, and I only made her cry once by talking about Eamon. Mostly we talked about the inauguration, cats, and the people from our past, whom we still don't like

 


Willie called. He is on date number 2 tonight, and was concerned about coming up this weekend, since he’s the only family member to have some exposure to the world.  It’s a little worrisome but Michael was ok with it, so was I. 

Watched Expanse, which just gets better, and West Wing comfort food. 

 

 

Friday January 22

Had a weird happy meditative sleep-ish through the night.  Appetite back today, which is definitely cheery. 

 

I seem to have a cold in my eye, which makes it weepy and I can't read well through it.  On the bright side, I had major success being able to set up menu options on Eventbrite for ticket holders, forcing them to make choices before they complete their purchase. I can create an elegant report for Jamie and Carole for planning meals. I even discovered the hidden tiny-typed instruction that let me put the ticket button on the front page. 

 

Went to see my oncologist Dr. Luyun who has agreed to let me delay the next chemo until next Tuesday, and then set up a monthly schedule rather than every tree weeks. The chemo is intended for palliation not for a cure, so if it's going to palliate then I should feel better through it not, all nauseated and constipated

 

Willie is here for the whole week, which is great. Picked him up at eight.

 

Made lasagna for dinner. Tomato sauce tasted a little raw because I didn’t have time to cook the crushed tomatoes in it long enough to develop flavor, but it was ok and will get better over the next few days in the fridge as the bacteria get a chance at some fermentation.  

 

Watched a Nathan Fielder and a West Wing.

January 9-15 Chemo Acid, Ann Comes Home, Vaccine Wait

 Saturday January 9

Slight improvement in stamina today but lots of heat burn. Read Gentleman in Moscow for most of the day. Took nap in the afternoon and then binged on Julia episodes that she hosted in her later years with the famous chefs of the early nineties, whom I currently watch hosting streaming competitions as older, mostly fat, multi-restaurant owning celebrities. Occasionally they actually cook on some of these shows, and appear to be happy doing it. 

 

In spite of multiple food show binding, I'm not very hungry tonight either. The side effects are tolerable as long as I can look forward to a respite. Willie being here is frustrating because I don’t have the energy to play. 

 

Checking on my last chemo session, I don’t seem to be bouncing back as well as I did last time, although I reread the entries from the last infusion, and I was still feeling lousy on the following Friday. Hope I can make it through this cycle. Defrosted Amy’s enchiladas. Horrible but Willie ate four of them.

 

Sunday January 10

Everything is the big wait right now. Waiting for the vaccine, waiting for Trump to go away, waiting for my chemo fog to lift, waiting for Ann to come home.  Liz texted that Ann will can't come back for up to four days pending Covid test results. 

 

Richard Wallace called and described his dramatic physical response to the Capital events, attributing it to his life as a journalist (although his life as a journalist involved writing articles on semi conductors and integrated circuits, so difficult to see how that resonated with the attack on our government). 

 

Took Willie to the train at two thirty. Wish he didn’t have to go back in to teach. 

 

Watched part of a Pema season but I’m so tired I could hardly stay awake through it.

 

Liz called distressed because she was at Ann's house clearing out her refrigerator, and dumping numerous half filled jars of tomato sauce down the drain, which subsequently clogged.  Dave came over later, plunged it, and figured out how to use the garbage disposal

 

Managed to make a faux pasta puttanesca but stop feeling crappy. Do hope I can get through the next two cycles.

 

Monday January 11

Feeling better today.  Watching Cuomo’s optimistic state of the state. Politically he keeps me going even though is unlikely he’ll accomplish ten percent of his worthy goals. Coincidentally West Wing's episode last night was about the state of the Union and it’s weird how similar the tone of hope is between the fictional president and our current governor. 

 

The vaccine appointments opened up today for Willie and me but we're still weeks away from getting the shot.

 

Felt nauseated around noon. Took a Zofran and a short walk of mindful hobbling to the pond and up to the drive in the hope that both would help, which they did. My meditations these days have been muddy. I need a more consistent practice to help get through the chemo because when I do it really helps. 

 

Liz emailed. Ann coming back tomorrow. Good.

 

Watched a Pema session from the couch then did prolonged difficult meditation using Tonglen and shempa to focus on the side effects. Helpful but am concerned about how long the side effects are lasting. I need to get through two more cycles. Then I’m done. Just want to see the spring.  

 

No appetite. Ate a baked potato for dinner. 

 

Watched West Wing and Lupin-a New French show about a jewelry thief. Very promising. Has brutal heartburn midway and Michael brought me Tums. Lifesaver.

 

Tuesday January 12

Watching part two of Cuomo's state of the state, which included converting unneeded commercial space into affordable been supportive housing and implementing universal inexpensive broadband. We'll see.

 

A little better this morning, but side effects feel like a hangover, which makes sense since its all leftover poison. Was able to eat a roast beef sandwich. 

 

Willie called and has a sore throat. He’ll get himself tested tomorrow. He is still excited about Ingrid, the new online date. I hope it evolves into something. 

 

Geoff also called. The boys and Ayesha are doing well. Julian is going to stay in Queens for the semester, which I’m happy about. They’ve just added over 65-year-olds to the vaccine qualifications, which means the current websites with their inadequate confusing sign-up interfaces will be swamped.  And god knows what happens to older people without the money or knowledge to access computers.  It's hard enough when you know how to use them.  Probably no vaccine till March or April.

 

While watching Lupine and West Wing I developed heartburn burn so severe that I vomited burning acid and all the spaghetti that I had had hard time eating in the first place. I hope this is over now.

 

Liz emailed that Ann is home and seems ok. Carrie is going to bring dinner tomorrow night. I had a long conversation with Dan, who took care of Ann while she was out in Cincinnati. He is concerned about her, of course, but he particularly was furious that Ann's terrible ex sister-in-law wants to launch a murder investigation, which is absurd. Dan told me that Eamon had apparently attempted suicide a few months ago and told his friend not to tell anybody, so the friend didn’t. Dan told me not to tell Ann, but I’m wondering if it might be helpful.  She is inevitably beating herself up for not being there at Christmas, but she had no idea that Eamon was in that deep a depression and covid is still a major threat.  If she known about his suicide attempt earlier, she would have taken action and gone out, but she didn't know. Dan also thinks Ted and his terrible family are going to try to screw Ann out of any money from Eamon’s estate, but I don’t think Ann would care. I just hope Ted doesn’t turn that terrible house over to her, because she might feel obligated to go through it. Dan says it’s a nightmare. And of course it’s where Eamon hanged himself. There’s no good way to get through this.

 

Wednesday January 13

Was awake most of the night feeling like there was a hole in my stomach. I threw up in the morning.  I looked up treatments for acid induced chemo vomit. Pepcid AC looked good and I called Dr. Luyun’s nurse who confirmed that it was ok to take ate it.  Michael went to the drugstore and brought some back. I made ginger tea and heated up some Campbell's chicken noodle soup, which I couldn’t finish but got some down. 

 

Went upstairs to watch Trump's second impeachment trial, with its incomprehensible Republican opposition. Gradually felt much better although washed out. 

 

Liz phoned about Ann, who called me in the middle of our conversation, I called her back but both of us were watching the impeachment so agreed to talk afterwards. Called her after the impeachment vote and she rattled on for a long time, mostly about trivia, but why not? She apologized for being boring and said she needed to isolate herself for a few days. Whatever helps.  Empathizing with her is even painful. 

 

Michael got pizza and various other food from Oak for dinner. I could only eat two pieces of pizza. Appetite still crappy. But they are now selling wonderful deli roast beef and oven baked bread so I plan on making great sandwiches tomorrow. Hope my appetite returns. We watched Lupine on Netflix and then some West Wing.

 

 

Thursday January 14

Much better today! Thank you, Pepcid AC. Dropped ten pounds this past week. Made a wonderful roast beast sandwich for lunch. 

 

Went over to Ann’s today, who is back from Cincinnati with Eamon’s ashes. She looks gaunt and I’m sure not eating much but she appears to be getting through this in a real way, letting herself fall apart between periods of functioning. The worst pain. She told me that right before she left Ted (who has done nothing to deal with the practicalities of Eamon’s death) has himself cheered with a reservation for his next-multi month cruise, which he takes two or three times a year. Ann had Eamon cremated as quickly possible to forestall the autopsy Ted's family has wanted to determine if Eamon was murdered, for which there is absolutely no indication. Neither Ted’s sister nor brother ever called Ann to express sympathy. Dreadful entitled rich people. 

 

Lots of RK work needed. Valentines dinner coming up.

 

Nice email from Jill. I had become a little paranoid because she hadn’t responded to my voicemail, which wouldn't have worried me if it had been either of my sons. 

 

I cooked tonight! Chicken breasts and sweet potatoes. Low appetite but horrible heartburn is gone.

 

Watched last of the first part of Lupine and a West Wing.

 

Friday January 15

Still no vaccine availability on either the county or state website. I've been checking the websites early in the morning every day and there's nothing. Nevertheless, people are getting it. Carole Clark called me this morning from a line while waiting for her first shot at the Community College down the road from house! She went on the county site last week and found an appointment immediately. At his presser today, Cuomo said there are no vaccines available right now. Tell me about it.

 

Made chocolate ice cream this afternoon. Trying to work on a basic recipe that uses xanthan gum and golden syrup. Basic brew tasted great.  We'll see if crystals develop. 

 

Ate leftover pizza while waiting for Geoff and Kim. Watched a recent lazy Liam Niesum film about a bank robber.  Waste of an action movie.  Boring plot. Witless dialogue. 

 

After they arrived, we talked to Geoff and Kim about political chaos— all of us obsessed--and their kids, all of whom are doing well. They went back to the little house and I checked the ice cream. Very successful! Smooth an