Saturday January 9
Slight improvement in stamina today but lots of heat burn. Read Gentleman in Moscow for most of the day. Took nap in the afternoon and then binged on Julia episodes that she hosted in her later years with the famous chefs of the early nineties, whom I currently watch hosting streaming competitions as older, mostly fat, multi-restaurant owning celebrities. Occasionally they actually cook on some of these shows, and appear to be happy doing it.
In spite of multiple food show binding, I'm not very hungry tonight either. The side effects are tolerable as long as I can look forward to a respite. Willie being here is frustrating because I don’t have the energy to play.
Checking on my last chemo session, I don’t seem to be bouncing back as well as I did last time, although I reread the entries from the last infusion, and I was still feeling lousy on the following Friday. Hope I can make it through this cycle. Defrosted Amy’s enchiladas. Horrible but Willie ate four of them.
Sunday January 10
Everything is the big wait right now. Waiting for the vaccine, waiting for Trump to go away, waiting for my chemo fog to lift, waiting for Ann to come home. Liz texted that Ann will can't come back for up to four days pending Covid test results.
Richard Wallace called and described his dramatic physical response to the Capital events, attributing it to his life as a journalist (although his life as a journalist involved writing articles on semi conductors and integrated circuits, so difficult to see how that resonated with the attack on our government).
Took Willie to the train at two thirty. Wish he didn’t have to go back in to teach.
Watched part of a Pema season but I’m so tired I could hardly stay awake through it.
Liz called distressed because she was at Ann's house clearing out her refrigerator, and dumping numerous half filled jars of tomato sauce down the drain, which subsequently clogged. Dave came over later, plunged it, and figured out how to use the garbage disposal
Managed to make a faux pasta puttanesca but stop feeling crappy. Do hope I can get through the next two cycles.
Monday January 11
Feeling better today. Watching Cuomo’s optimistic state of the state. Politically he keeps me going even though is unlikely he’ll accomplish ten percent of his worthy goals. Coincidentally West Wing's episode last night was about the state of the Union and it’s weird how similar the tone of hope is between the fictional president and our current governor.
The vaccine appointments opened up today for Willie and me but we're still weeks away from getting the shot.
Felt nauseated around noon. Took a Zofran and a short walk of mindful hobbling to the pond and up to the drive in the hope that both would help, which they did. My meditations these days have been muddy. I need a more consistent practice to help get through the chemo because when I do it really helps.
Liz emailed. Ann coming back tomorrow. Good.
Watched a Pema session from the couch then did prolonged difficult meditation using Tonglen and shempa to focus on the side effects. Helpful but am concerned about how long the side effects are lasting. I need to get through two more cycles. Then I’m done. Just want to see the spring.
No appetite. Ate a baked potato for dinner.
Watched West Wing and Lupin-a New French show about a jewelry thief. Very promising. Has brutal heartburn midway and Michael brought me Tums. Lifesaver.
Tuesday January 12
Watching part two of Cuomo's state of the state, which included converting unneeded commercial space into affordable been supportive housing and implementing universal inexpensive broadband. We'll see.
A little better this morning, but side effects feel like a hangover, which makes sense since its all leftover poison. Was able to eat a roast beef sandwich.
Willie called and has a sore throat. He’ll get himself tested tomorrow. He is still excited about Ingrid, the new online date. I hope it evolves into something.
Geoff also called. The boys and Ayesha are doing well. Julian is going to stay in Queens for the semester, which I’m happy about. They’ve just added over 65-year-olds to the vaccine qualifications, which means the current websites with their inadequate confusing sign-up interfaces will be swamped. And god knows what happens to older people without the money or knowledge to access computers. It's hard enough when you know how to use them. Probably no vaccine till March or April.
While watching Lupine and West Wing I developed heartburn burn so severe that I vomited burning acid and all the spaghetti that I had had hard time eating in the first place. I hope this is over now.
Liz emailed that Ann is home and seems ok. Carrie is going to bring dinner tomorrow night. I had a long conversation with Dan, who took care of Ann while she was out in Cincinnati. He is concerned about her, of course, but he particularly was furious that Ann's terrible ex sister-in-law wants to launch a murder investigation, which is absurd. Dan told me that Eamon had apparently attempted suicide a few months ago and told his friend not to tell anybody, so the friend didn’t. Dan told me not to tell Ann, but I’m wondering if it might be helpful. She is inevitably beating herself up for not being there at Christmas, but she had no idea that Eamon was in that deep a depression and covid is still a major threat. If she known about his suicide attempt earlier, she would have taken action and gone out, but she didn't know. Dan also thinks Ted and his terrible family are going to try to screw Ann out of any money from Eamon’s estate, but I don’t think Ann would care. I just hope Ted doesn’t turn that terrible house over to her, because she might feel obligated to go through it. Dan says it’s a nightmare. And of course it’s where Eamon hanged himself. There’s no good way to get through this.
Wednesday January 13
Was awake most of the night feeling like there was a hole in my stomach. I threw up in the morning. I looked up treatments for acid induced chemo vomit. Pepcid AC looked good and I called Dr. Luyun’s nurse who confirmed that it was ok to take ate it. Michael went to the drugstore and brought some back. I made ginger tea and heated up some Campbell's chicken noodle soup, which I couldn’t finish but got some down.
Went upstairs to watch Trump's second impeachment trial, with its incomprehensible Republican opposition. Gradually felt much better although washed out.
Liz phoned about Ann, who called me in the middle of our conversation, I called her back but both of us were watching the impeachment so agreed to talk afterwards. Called her after the impeachment vote and she rattled on for a long time, mostly about trivia, but why not? She apologized for being boring and said she needed to isolate herself for a few days. Whatever helps. Empathizing with her is even painful.
Michael got pizza and various other food from Oak for dinner. I could only eat two pieces of pizza. Appetite still crappy. But they are now selling wonderful deli roast beef and oven baked bread so I plan on making great sandwiches tomorrow. Hope my appetite returns. We watched Lupine on Netflix and then some West Wing.
Thursday January 14
Much better today! Thank you, Pepcid AC. Dropped ten pounds this past week. Made a wonderful roast beast sandwich for lunch.
Went over to Ann’s today, who is back from Cincinnati with Eamon’s ashes. She looks gaunt and I’m sure not eating much but she appears to be getting through this in a real way, letting herself fall apart between periods of functioning. The worst pain. She told me that right before she left Ted (who has done nothing to deal with the practicalities of Eamon’s death) has himself cheered with a reservation for his next-multi month cruise, which he takes two or three times a year. Ann had Eamon cremated as quickly possible to forestall the autopsy Ted's family has wanted to determine if Eamon was murdered, for which there is absolutely no indication. Neither Ted’s sister nor brother ever called Ann to express sympathy. Dreadful entitled rich people.
Lots of RK work needed. Valentines dinner coming up.
Nice email from Jill. I had become a little paranoid because she hadn’t responded to my voicemail, which wouldn't have worried me if it had been either of my sons.
I cooked tonight! Chicken breasts and sweet potatoes. Low appetite but horrible heartburn is gone.
Watched last of the first part of Lupine and a West Wing.
Friday January 15
Still no vaccine availability on either the county or state website. I've been checking the websites early in the morning every day and there's nothing. Nevertheless, people are getting it. Carole Clark called me this morning from a line while waiting for her first shot at the Community College down the road from house! She went on the county site last week and found an appointment immediately. At his presser today, Cuomo said there are no vaccines available right now. Tell me about it.
Made chocolate ice cream this afternoon. Trying to work on a basic recipe that uses xanthan gum and golden syrup. Basic brew tasted great. We'll see if crystals develop.
Ate leftover pizza while waiting for Geoff and Kim. Watched a recent lazy Liam Niesum film about a bank robber. Waste of an action movie. Boring plot. Witless dialogue.
After they arrived, we talked to Geoff and Kim about political chaos— all of us obsessed--and their kids, all of whom are doing well. They went back to the little house and I checked the ice cream. Very successful! Smooth an
No comments:
Post a Comment