Saturday August 22
Dumped the kefir and buttermilk. Smelled ok so it made me sad to see all that good cultured dairy dumped into the meadow.
Gave Rebecca a tour of Hudson and then ate sandwiches in the lackluster park by the river. Most of those who go there are from the black or Bangladeshi communities in the city, and I thought it would be crowded, given the river and lack of other public spaces, but it wasn't. The river is so beautiful, but the swatch of grass that serves as Hudson's waterfront reveals its lazy caretaking. No money for gardeners or landscapers. Not even gardening volunteer groups, Just a lawn mower. The inept city council has been jabbering for years about improving it, but as far as I can tell these improvements have only taken the form of attacks on Colarusso, the company whose gravel trucks deliver stone from Greenport to barges at its landing a few hundred yards south of Hudson's waterfront. Members on the council are in the process of trying to take away the company's right to its landing, which doesn't seem to be pose any significant negative aesthetic effect (although to be fair I like a bit of industrial sculpture in a natural context).
After we left, Michael drive up Mount Merino road, which overlooks the Hudson and sports some spectacular houses, then up to Olana, where we walked around the Church's wonderful home. No inside tours yet.
Went to Liz and Geoff’s house at five, where Rebecca was given a tour of their beautiful garden and was amused that she was visiting her father’s first girlfriend and first wife. She regrets, as we all do, that Richard has closed himself off from people. I fear that he associates all his old friends with our marriage and avoids them to avoid the pain of that bad ending. But that may just be my narcissism.
Made turkey burgers with the great Cook's recipe using baking soda, gelatin, parm, panko, which makes the meat moist without being fatty. I like it better than beef.
Watched some Parks and Recs.
Sunday August 23
Lazy day. Took Rebecca to the train at two. She’s a lovely young woman and terrific easy guest.
Made a pesto from garden greens and added it to tuna salad for lunch.
Long gaming in the afternoon. For dinner, I literally beefed up the vegetable soup with meat off a rib eye steak that we brought home from the Red Barn in a doggy bag.
Watched Parks and Rec.
Monday August 24
Updated the Recovery Kitchen spreadsheet to a meeting at Carole Clark's house with her, Pam, and Jamie. It meandered around problems with volunteer drivers (one driver, a member of the Democrat Committee, quit after delivering meals to a single mother whom she said was quite capable of cooking for herself), getting heath insurance for Jamie, developing a model for the kitchen that can be used by other counties (not sure it’s possible), planning a fundraiser (expensive picnic baskets that people can pick up). Found out that Jamie grew up on the West Side near us and went to the Geoff and Jill's middle school.
Came home and did gaming with Willie. Major breakthroughs.
In the early evening a baby cardinal was on the upper deck, standing frozen in place, who apparently had hit the window and was stunned. Later while we sat on the lower deck, she swooped down and then across the meadow to the trees in the center. Whew.
Reading Michelle Obama’s appealing biography.
Michael grilled steak and I cooked potatoes and our pretty purple beans.
Watched Parks and Recs.
Tuesday August 25
Picked standard cherry and the wonderful Bronze torch cherries, small and brick red, shaped like quenelles. They are not only beautiful but also incredibly sweet and low acid. The make a great sauce.
Dropped Willie at the train for a one-day trip to New York to visit a monk friend who’s leaving for Nicaragua forever.
Had virtual RK meeting. Jamie has two more weeks at Swoon, then the plan is to start paying him to cook five days week starting September 7. We also planned a pick-up picnic fundraiser for Columbus Day weekend Will need to promote fast.
Bought lunch and dinner at Relish.
In the afternoon I processed tomato sauce and picked herbs. The garden has produced so far three big eggplants that I'll slice, roast, and freeze. Can't use them while Willie is here because he hates them. My vegetables make me so happy.
Richard Wallace texted from the deck of the Slater coming up the Hudson to Albany, as happy as a person can be.
Patty called on her way home from New York after picking up Dominic.
Coreopsis springing up in the meadow. Seems very late but entirely welcome.
Michael off to Greenport Planning meeting tonight so I’m binging on a food network competition show--the All Star Academy, which I’ve seen before. He and Willie came home together at 9:30, and we ate the Relish food and watched Parks and Rec.
Wednesday August 26
PET Scan day, preceded by major hemorrhoid bleed at home. No coffee, no food, just water until we were home at four. I was weak and ravenous. We get results tomorrow.
Back in touch with Rob Bujan, who is consults on and insurance and whom I had worked with on the Affordable Care Task Force for the Columbia Democrats. I'm hoping he can tell us how to get health coverage for Jamie.
Picked more tomatoes and red Chimayo chilies, which have a lot of jolly heat.
I made my favorite chopped salad and Michael was grilling chicken but forgot to open the bottom of the Weber and the fire went out. The chicken was luke warm. I threw it in the over at 425 degrees for twenty minutes and it was perfectly cooked, a process that will never be repeated again.!
Watched Parks and Recs.
Thursday August 27
Today I learned the results of the scan. I more or less meditated the night away. Between scans my cancer is Schrodinger's cat, both alive and dead, until we observe it. (My dismal lack of physics makes this an imaginative and not very clever idea of the experiment.) The results were online and not encouraging, with possible cancer in the brain and four new lesions in the liver, which means the immunotherapy has stopped working. The next step is chemo—Taxol and carboplatin, with five-hour infusions and hair loss. The other side effects however are not supposed to be as terrible as the initial chemo. Median survival is a year, but that’s without metastasis to the brain. I'll need an MRI to determine if it's there, which would require radiotherapy.
As much as I try to continually prepare for the inevitable, reality is brutal. I feel frozen. I want to quit the CCDC and the Recovery Kitchen and dissolve into the end of the summer, repairing my relationship with Jill and seeing as much of Eastern kids as possible.
The only good consequence was \ an excuse to call my kids. Talked to Geoff who was kind and sad and I had a long call with Jill, who described her ongoing her impressive genetic/ancestry research.
I’ve been preparing for death since I can remember, which sounds pompous as I write this, but it’s not death that is waking me up tonight but the letting go of stuff, of seasons, of people. That’s the hard process.
Friday August 28
No internet and barely any cell service.
Did major picking with Willie before rain tomorrow. Plan on processing then,
Gave friends and sisters cancer update but our cell service not great today for any long conversations. Just as well. I need to assimilate this.
Made a pumpkin soup. Turned out well.
MRI scheduled for next Wednesday.
Watched Roemer's Claire’s Knee. The French sexual relationships in his movies are puzzling, even for the sixties, with weird Lolita type attractions acceptable by everyone, including older women. So weird. However, there was Gigi.
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